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Happy 2013 Guys!

Finally got the opportunity to update my blog- thanks to the office resumption.
Honestly, I’m lost for words to write or even say. My emotions are just so mixed up. I’ve still not been able to sort them, or maybe I don’t want to sort them. I don’t know.

Just a rundown…

  • He stopped calling me. DO
  • He got me a watch for xmas/new year, but now I think it was actually a farewell gift.
  • We finally went to see the movie I was owing us. It was a morning movie and he hurriedly left.
  • He stopped replying my messages and chat
  • I think he lied.
To more interesting things:
  • I traveled home to see my folks. It was all Sleep, cook, sleep, cook…I didn’t eat much. Didn’t find the appetite.
  • I attended church and other religious activities, went for deliverance….I caught the fire also started developing an addiction to Emmanuel TV like my folks are. lol.
  • Met someone new-on the phone, we haven’t seen face to face. We chat alot and he calls alot. I prefer chatting to calling though.
  • I also am in constant chat with another guy- we went too UNN together he calls often too.
  • I couldn’t go swimming as I planned. So sad as I didn’t find an opportunity to display my hot bikini and trunk..
  • I was able to give my peeps little Xmas gifts.  They were all very excited. I wish I could do much more. Still owe them though.
  • Also did some Xmas gifting to two people. Still have a lot on my list who I owe. Will find time in the year to do that.
This year I hope to blog more. Smile more, Give more. Work more, Socialize more, Pray more, Play more, Eat more, Sleep more. and Daydream less. lol

This can’t be real

How do I start this story?
….An elder colleague who sit on my right in the office (he used to buy me biscuits everyday)  always calls me ‘the girl from afikpo’. I always corrected him, insisting I’m not from that place and he should stop saying I come from there.

Fast forward to some weeks ago….

On one of my tiring trips home from work, I got a free lift at my final bus-stop to my house gate. He (The man who gave me the lift), tried chatting, but I was in no mood to respond cos I was damn tired. He told me his name and some other stuffs which I forgot when I got home. I gave him my number anyways (something I noticed I always do these day-you don’t know were PP can come from).

After some time, I received a call from someone and he had to explain before I remembered who he was.
He calls at intervals but I always give him an legit excuses for not wanting to see him.

Fast forward to Yesterday
He called again and I finally told him where he could meet me (Same bus-stop he picked me up on the first day).
I got to the bus-stop and we met. He suggested we went somewhere to sit over a drink and chat. I refused and said he could talk while he took me to my gate. While he asked question, I noticed I only answered in monosyllabic sentences.  He irritates me-anyways, I was trying so hard to be nice. I remembered he asked me what my genotype was. I told him, then he blabbed about how a relationship he had failed because they were both AS. He also asked what my likes and dislikes were. I told him they were numerous. Finally ended up telling him I hated liars and dirt. I emphasized on the “dirt” because his car, probably him smelt funny. He mentioned he was from Afikpo and some thoughts crossed my mind. I was like what if the colleague in my office was prophesying into my life, anyway I was saying a silent God forbid. He is damn Ugly.

Btw…I had a dream last night. In it , i saw DO and very close Igbo friend. The Summary of the dream was basically that I’ll  always come second in DO’s life. If the dreams means anything…I’ll find out by the end of this week. Today at work, he was acting sorta cold. I asked if i offended him in anyway and he said no. My conscience is clear.

I’m in Love….again.

Chioma is in love again oh!

I’ld call it dangerous love cos there are alot of odds. But honestly, now I’m in love with him I don’t see those things as odds, cos I think I can comfortably overcome them.

I remember vividly, him asking me (not once, not twice) if I could marry a Yoruba man. I would scream No!! even add a God forbid. But now…I can and hope to.

Also the issue of faith. I’m Catholic and would love to remain so, but he’s Pentecostal-this is a very tricky one cos I deep down hope I could win him over.

….
DO is leaving the office this December…he won’t be resuming with us in January. I already miss him like mad. I hope we don’t lose contact. You know what distance does to people-and since I’m not the calling type. But I’m so exciting for him and I wish him all the best (I pray for him everyday). He shall find favour in whatever he does. What ever he puts his hands to shall prosper-that’s my prayer for him…and yes he should not forget me, cos he’s always in my heart.

If you ever get to read this DO, I want you to know that I really care about you. The thought of you put a lasting smile on my face…and gives me joy in my heart. I really wish I could make you happier or do something for you (maybe a shoulder to lean on)but you always seem self sufficient-which is really good. If we get to work-splendid, but if you go and leave me behind, it’s all good. Just know I feel honoured to have known you. I wish I had known you earlier!

November 25th 2012

The 25th of November is a day I want to remember with glee for the rest of my life. It was a Sunday. I can’t write the details of that day here…cos it’s really personal, but I’m writing this here so I don’t forget even if I lose my phone(where I note all important events in my life),

I can give you a peek sha…
The Major players are myself and DO.

Ciao.

Cautious Me

Now I’m being very cautious writing here since DO told me he goes through my blog whenever he has the opportunity to. He even knows my blog address off-hand…I don’t even know my address.

It might not be news then that I’m getting to like him more and more each day. He’s the same one I talked about here. But then, here is the catch, he want me to be his girlfriend, actually girlfriend number two. Cause he already has one. I for one don’t buy the idea. Why? Because One, I can’t and will never be woman number two. It’s either I’m number one (and only) or nothing. Two, Like he told me-when I told him he couldn’t keep two girlfriends, he said he could not just let his girlfriend go cos he had invested alot in the relationship  What does that imply? Your guess is as good as mine.

My Values:

I really never want to be the reason someone would break up with the person he once claimed to love…cause it all points to the fact that you either don’t know what love really is or you just want to try “love” with me and probably you would want to try with another after me- cos I strongly believe in Karma.

Back to the gist….

I’m getting really fond of DO I’m already seeing him in my dreams -night dreams(..cos I see alot in my day dreams lol!). Going a whole weekend without hearing from him can just be described as a terrible weekend. That brings me to another Topic-ME….of course it’s always about me.

Seriously, it brings me to something I have noticed about myself, It’s about this need to be with someone (to not be alone)…to have someone I can call my own..Yes, My Own. I crave for it so much. I’m surely not cut out for a life of single-hood. I see some people screaming: “I’m single and loving it!” Hell! How do they do that.?

I just want to be loved-real good! by a man (no lele things oh!)

PS: I already have so much love from family but that seems not to be enough. Maybe I should see a shrink? What do you think?

Could this be my Midlife Crises.

I believe there are many stages of fulfillment in one’s life-especially for a woman.

A little girl is born, she develops then she reaches her first stage of fulfillment-Puberty (these are my own opinion), around this time, she’s probably in high school, then the next milestone will be securing admission into a higher institution of learning, then graduation, securing a job, getting married, having children, etc. These like I said earlier are my opinion of the various Major levels of fulfillment in a woman’s life. The order they come varies too. Some get married before securing their dream jobs, others get pregnant before getting married..it all varies. Some other stages like buying a car or building a house might be individual agenda for some, for some it might be something you want to achieve with your partner.

Spotlight on me….
 I believe I’m now ready for the next stage in my life, which like you rightly guessed is getting married. But that stage seems to sorta elude me. There’s no SERIOUS person in my life so I can’t be certain, even a little bit, when it will be. I only have hope…my hope in God. I’ve sailed through the other stages of my life without ANY hassles what-so-ever. So, why is this one proving difficult?

I remember vividly, during one of my holidays in Onisha after my high school, awaiting admission into the university, I met one handsome guy (a trader). I liked him. Three months later, in December -Xmas period, he came to my village to meet my parents, saying he wanted to marry me. Ha! My siblings were so excited and started making fun of me, saying all sorta things like, i’ll soon be a mum and they would be uncles and aunts. I GOT SCARED. Luckily, my Dad, handled issues very well and said I wasn’t getting married till I was through with the university. That was how that one left.

Another Major one, was in my 4th year in the university, Another suitor came, I was highly recommended. He tried for a very long while- 5 years but I still didn’t say yes. Why? The first time he came, I was in love with a school boyfriend (Who I had so much conviction i was going to marry), After we broke up Four years later, I tried to give this suitor a chance, but I just didn’t love him and had to let him go.

There were others-quite a lot (now i’m scared), who I did not just like in the first instance, either they were out-rightly ugly or too Igbotic.

Hope, I haven’t chased my husband away, with all these my shakara?

Then there was the OB, almighty OB, That one? A big X….NO GO AREA. Him no reach, giving him a chance will be knowingly killing myself. So I had to end it. He sent a text today, that is why I came here today to blog…cos there is some element of truth in what he said, but that notwithstanding will not make me consider him. The text goes thus…

……Chioma, I think you are bored with your life cos you’ve lost hope a long time ago.
       Now you are waiting for a miracle to fall from the sky, but the thing is that you are so angry with yourself that you always fail to see it.
Hmm! What more can i say? I’m lost!

You Barbaric fellow

Did I ever say that life’s beautiful?

Sorry, but I think life’s unfair.

If it is not, explain the incidence that happened some days ago to those Uniport students! Just for a laptop and a phone, their lives were terminated.

Yet roaming the face of the earth are murderers, people who kill their fellow man, people who kill their own children even children that have not taken their first breath of our polluted air! Why?

Why should they be free?

Then our politician (who I believe are murderers too), who steal our billions-how much is a laptop? 60k, 70k?

I weep.

I made an attempt to watch the video after days of refusing to see it and God what I saw in 3 seconds in that video made me shut my laptop down and weep.

I weep for my fellow man,
I weep for myself,
I weep for what we are becoming,
 I weep at our misdirected anger.
I’m cold now,
I see the world in a different light now.
and God help me